My Hair Loss and Regrowth Journey
My hair loss and regrowth journey. Like many women with cancer, chemotherapy caused me to lose all of my hair. Yes, every…single…strand. My hair loss and regrowth journey will never be forgotten.
My Hair Loss Journey
Though the hair loss was an expected side effect, I was not fully prepared when the day came. Several people advised me to cut my hair before it fell out, but I could not bring myself to do it. Mostly because I secretly hoped I would be in the slim percentage that didn’t lose my hair. However, I made a decision that at the first sign of hair loss, I would cut it all off. It was estimated that I would lose my hair after the 2nd chemotherapy treatment and boy was that prediction spot on. The day following my second treatment, I brushed my hair in preparation for my follow up appointment and there it was, a brush full of hair! Funny thing is that I never even felt it coming out. Looking at the brush full of hair was extremely scary.
Initially, I panicked and freaked out a bit. “Oh my god, was this really happening?” I wasn’t ready. Truthfully, I would never be ready. I immediately stopped brushing and wore a hat that day and did not comb my hair again for 2 days. My mom was already on stand by to shave my head when I was ready. Unfortunately it was now time to face my fear. My daughter insisted on watching my mother shave my head. This made her sad. Although I pretended to be strong, that strength only lasted for a few minutes.
Saying Goodbye
When we first learned that I would need chemo, my mom knew this would be a hard adjustment for me, therefore she vowed that when I lost my hair she would shave hers as well. As soon as she was done shaving my head, without saying a word, she then did her own.
This was an emotional day. Once of the most emotional days since my diagnosis. I now looked like a true “cancer patient”. Looking in the mirror was hard and it took me a several days to truly face a mirror. It was a constant reminder that I had cancer even on days when I wasn’t ill and actually felt well. I did not want my kids, nor husband to see me like this. It took a couple months before I would let them see me without a scarf or wig covering my bald head. My 12 year old son took the longest to adjust. Some people eventually get used to having a bald head and some are even able to embrace it. I never got to that point. As a matter of fact, only my parents, children, and husband ever got to see me with a bald head.
As a female with breast cancer, I learned that a big part of the struggle with hair loss is related to loosing everything that you identify with as a female. First your hair, (and I mean every strand of it from every part of your body including armpits and eye brows) and then your breast.
My Regrowth Journey
What a regrowth journey! I have never had short hair in my life. Neither as a child, nor as an adult. And now I had absolutely no hair at all. Don’t misunderstand, short hair works for some people. I quickly realized that having short hair by choice is not the same as not having a choice in the matter at all.
From a clean scalp, to now having a baby afro! My hair is growing back. Still short, but healthy and most importantly still growing. I have decided to share my hair growth journey over the past one year. After despising this comment and hearing it so many times, I can finally now agree that yes, “IT IS HAIR AND IT WILL GROW BACK.”
Everyone’s journey and experiences vary, but despite the differences, it is a difficult time for cancer patients and their families. Support and encouragement are important during this time. Allow your loved one to grieve their hair loss. Allow them to vent. Most importantly, respect their privacy and dignity as they deal with the hair loss in their own way.
- Published in breast cancer, chemotherapy, hair loss, side effects, Uncategorized
My Last Chemo
My Last Chemo
This day 1 year ago was my last chemo treatment. I was more than happy to be closing this chapter of my journey. I realized that I had truly survived the 20 long weeks of chemo. Whew! I clearly remember when I couldn’t see myself making it through 16 visits to the infusion center, but I did. I made it!
My Chemotherapy Drugs
My chemo treatment was broken up into what is called 2 rounds. The first round consisted of biweekly treatments of Adriamycin and Cytoxan, followed by a Neulasta injection 24 hours after each treatment. The second round was either going to be weekly treatments of a drug called Taxol, or every 3 week treatment of a drug called Taxotere. I remember not being able to imagine having weekly treatments after the first round was over,. The thought of it alone made me cry. The weekly Taxol treatments ended up being more tolerable, than I was told.
This brings me to day of my last chemo treatment. The day started off pretty normal. Just a quick repeat breast MRI, followed by my last treatment. Pretty simple morning right? Wrong! The raging bladder infection that I had for 10 weeks would not allow the 30 minute MRI to be completed. Because I have horrible veins, I had to increase my fluid intake for the IV to be placed more easily. Well the increased fluids, made it nearly impossible to lie still on the MRI table without having to go to the restroom every 10 minutes. So needless to say the test was unsuccessful, after 3 different attempts.
Well that part was over and it was time to get that last treatment behind me. As luck would have it there were multiple delays, that hadn’t occurred before, that pushed back the start of my treatment, but finally it was started and completed with no problems.
The End
ALL DONE! Now where is that bell that everyone gets to ring after their last treatment? What, no bell?! Nope, not a single bell in sight. Oh well, I was done and more than happy to close this chapter.
No more Chemo!
- Published in chemotherapy, Uncategorized
Chemotherapy | 6 Common Side Effects
Chemotherapy, the other dreaded C word. Chemotherapy as a treatment option for breast cancer can be very scary. It is given to slow or stop the growth of these rapidly dividing cancer cells. For me, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, my fear was that I would need chemotherapy. I knew enough about the side effects of chemotherapy to know that I didn’t want any part of it. Then it hit me, the C word that turned out to be worst than hearing that you have the big C. Chemotherapy for 20 weeks! Perhaps this would be a mild version that won’t bring with it all the side effects that you hear about? Not the case!
Chemotherapy for Breast Cancer
The type of chemotherapy that is prescribed is based on the type of cancer that you have. Your cancer type is dependent on the estrogen, progesterone, and HER 2 results of your tumor. In my case my tumor was positive for estrogen, and progesterone (weak but positive), but negative for HER 2. This essentially means that estrogen and progesterone were feeding my tumor. My chemotherapy medications that were prescribed were, Adriamycin (also known as the red devil), Cytoxan, and Taxol.
March 2, 2016
This was my first chemotherapy day, but first I had an appointment at 6am that day to have my lifeport (central IV line) inserted. This was all to surreal to me. Was this really happening? It was that morning that I realized there was no turning back. I was officially starting treatment for my breast cancer. Port placed with no issues, now on to the cancer center for my first treatment. Thank god that my support system was there by my side. My husband, my mom, and my cousin.
I could barely maintain my composure while signing in for my first treatment. My cousin was right there to take over the signing in process for me. The tears would not stop falling, therefore I could no longer see the paper work that I was completing. I immediately rushed into the nearby restroom, before I totally lost it. Actually, before the door could close behind me, my mom was there to comfort me.
Chemotherapy or not?
Did I really have to do this? Technically no, I could have declined treatment. Fortunately, I forged ahead for my children. I wanted to be around as they grew up and I knew I wanted my healthy, happy life back. For this reason, I knew I what I had to do. Based on my cancer type, and treatment prognosis, I was told that I could beat this. I thought to myself, I can’t win a fight, if I never get in the ring…so through those doors I walked for my first chemotherapy treatment.
Later that night
By 8pm that same night, I felt a wave of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks. What was this? Wasn’t I told I would start experiencing side effects 2-3 days following the treatment? Regrettably, the side effects progressed to headaches, and an overall feeling of motion sickness that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING could relief for me. I often described the feeling after that first treatment as being similar to being stuck in a small canoe, in the middle of rough waters, for 3 days.
Let’s just say, it took a lot of convincing by the oncologist and encouragement by my family to get me to go back for round 2.
Common Side Effects
Side effects vary depending on the type of chemotherapy. Side effects can also vary person to person. The 6 most common side effects are;
- nausea and vomiting
- loss of appetite
- weight gain
- hair loss
- weakness
- early menopause
My Effects
Yep, you read correctly. Loss of appetite, but ironically, weight gain. What an oxymoron. Essentially I experienced every side effect listed, plus some. Multiple prescriptions were added to counter each side effect.
Side effect of chemotherapy. Nail beds bruised, darkened, and swollen. At the same time, also starting to lift.
Chemotherapy not only attacks the cancer cells, but also attacks healthy, normal cells as well. I developed chronic cystitis (bladder infection), along with the separation of my nails from the nail beds.
Both of which were miserable, and at times extremely debilitating.
Can you imagine going to the bathroom every 1 hour around the clock?
On top of that having to washing hands with each trip to the bathroom, with already brittle and delicate nails, some barely attached. What a horrible experience.
My tongue became discolored and looked like what I described as giraffe tongue. Meanwhile, my mouth was dry, and I had a constantly running nose.
Separation from the nail beds finally stopped, and this was what was left.
Finally, my nails are growing back!
There always seemed to be a new side effect, or a delayed reaction. Going through chemotherapy was a beast. For this reason, a piece of my heart is broken, every time I hear of someone having chemotherapy as a part of their treatment plan. Consequently, I hurt at the possibility of someone experiencing the side effects that I endured.
Side Effects Don’t Stop There
Furthermore, hair loss was such a big adjustment for me. On March 17, 2016, I said goodbye to my hair. Details about that experience will be shared in a separate post.
Of course, I share my story not to discourage you, but to encourage you through this journey. I did it. 20 weeks and all 16 of my scheduled treatments were completed. All things considered, I endured through the hardest times. I am a testimony that you can, and you will make it.
God Bless.
- Published in breast cancer, chemotherapy, side effects