My Anniversary | Breast Cancer
Today is my anniversary. The anniversary of being diagnosed with breast cancer. Invasive… Ductal …Carcinoma. I remember those words echoing in my ear as the radiologist delivered the results of my breast biopsy. That was exactly 1 year ago today. Unfortunately, this is a very different anniversary. Not an anniversary with happy memories, like of your wedding day, on your 1 year anniversary. Not even the happy memory like that of your child’s 1st birthday, as you look over the previous year in awe at their growth and advancement. But rather an anniversary that I would have been more than happy to not be celebrating today. What a huge difference one year makes.
The Diagnosis
That Friday, February 5th was a typical Friday, with nothing out of the ordinary. I went to work as expected, sat though my 9am meeting not even expecting to receive biopsy results today. To my surprise following my meeting I had a missed call from the Radiologist with a voice message asking me to return her call. She sounded pretty normal to me, so I decided to return her call as I walked through the halls to my office. Just as I sat at my desk, I vividly recall the words, “your biopsy was positive”. It actually took a few seconds for me to process what she was saying. Initially I thought “positive” as in good results, right? But unfortunately that wasn’t the case. When I asked for clarification that’s when I heard the dreaded next few words …”invasive ductal carcinoma“. I didn’t know much about cancer, but I knew that invasive wasn’t good, and carcinoma meant cancer.
Yes, she was really telling me that I had breast cancer. The radiologist then recommend that I see a surgeon right away and within 2 days I had an appointment with the surgeon. During those two days of waiting I was in a daze and shed a lot of tears. Mostly tears of anxiety as well as fear of the unknown. During that time I kept asking myself, did that phone call really happen? Were those results correct? Were those my actual results?
The Surgeon Visit
Finally, time to see the surgeon to sort this all out, I thought. During the visit with the surgeon, my husband and mom were both there with me for support. And boy did I need it! The surgeon confirmed my fears, that I did in fact have breast cancer and the results were not an error. My vision was totally blurred with tears, as I listened to the surgeon describe how the testing was done assuring me that the results were accurate. I felt like I was having an outer body experience. I felt like I wasn’t really physically sitting there, but rather listening in on someone else’s results. So much information was given. I knew there was no way I could remember all this information, after all I was still focused on the fact that this diagnosis was correct. Many more tests were ordered and then a referral to the oncologist.
The Oncologist
It all happened so fast. About four more days later and the three of us were now sitting in the office of the oncologist. My prayers at this point was that I would not need chemotherapy, just a minor surgery to remove the lump and this could put this behind me. Well, unfortunately the oncologist shared with me more details about my type of cancer and the recommended treatment plan included 20 weeks of chemo, before surgery. And then radiation after that due to lymph node involvement. 20 weeks of chemo! Did he really just say 20 weeks? I remember thinking, does this doctor realize that 20 weeks was 5 months! That’s practically half the year. After clarifying with the oncologist that 20 weeks was in fact 5 months, I remember not being able to fight back the tears any longer. Was this really happening to me? I already knew some of the main side effects of chemo and quite frankly, I was terrified me.
And Today
So today I can look back on the last 365 days and say that I made it. Never did I think I would make it back to a place of emotional stability. However, don’t misunderstand, I still have days that I can’t help but cry when I think about my journey. Those are no longer tears of sadness, but rather tears of amazement and victory. There were so many days, that I honestly didn’t know how, or if I could make it. Such a major lifestyle change. Hurdle after hurdle. As soon as I overcame one side effect of the toxic regimen that I was receiving, another side effect would rear its ugly head. I felt like I couldn’t catch a break. I sometimes felt defeated. There were many days that the emotional and psychological battle was by far tougher than the physical challenges. Some days were debilitating, some days sad, some days in pain, some days just flat out miserable. But today, I can say that those days are behind me. I feel almost whole again. Though I still have reconstruction surgery ahead of me, one year later, I am cancer free. I really made it!
For anyone out there on this journey, or helping a loved one or friend through this, just take one day at a time. It is far too overwhelming to take in the entire journey. One day, you too will have an anniversary. That day when you will have a story to tell, about your own journey.
I pray for continued healing and peace.
- Published in breast cancer, Diagnosis, Types of Breast Cancer
Breast Cancer Diagnosis; Questions to Ask
From the moment that you received your breast cancer diagnosis, you probably felt like your whole life had been flipped upside down. If you are anything like me, initially in those first few moments you felt totally numb and in disbelief.
Many questions began to race through your head. Is this accurate? Do they need to repeat the biopsy? Will I just need surgery? Has it spread? What does this diagnosis really mean? While your mind is still processing everything, you may have that initial doctors appointment and not know what questions you should ask.
First of all you should know these are all normal feelings. Almost everyone I have spoken to regarding this subject went through these same emotions. Because you will feel overwhelmed, here are a few important questions to ask initially to help you better understand your diagnosis and treatment plan.
8 Important Questions to Ask Your Physician After Breast Cancer Diagnosis;
1-Is my cancer invasive or in situ?
Invasive cancer have infiltrated outside of the milk duct or lobes, while in situ is still contained within ducts or lobes.
2-What are the results of estrogen, progesterone, and HER2 testing?
These are tests that are performed on the tumor to tell if it is being fed by hormones or contain the protein HER2. Women naturally make the hormones estrogen and progesterone. HER2 positive tumors grow and spread faster than other tumors. Your treatment options will be dependent on these results and aimed toward the hormones and/or HER2 receptors.
3-Will I need to see a medical oncologist?
The medical oncologist is the doctor who will manage your chemotherapy. Chemotherapy may or may not be a part of your treatment plan.
4-Will my treatment include chemotherapy?
Chemotherapy can include oral or IV treatments. Chemo can be given on different schedules, such as weekly, biweekly, or every 3 weeks. The number of chemo treatments needed will depend on your cancer type and the chemo medication that is ordered.
5-Are there any signs of lymph node involvement?
These are the lymph nodes under your arm on the side of the affected breast. They can sometimes be felt manually by the doctor or may only be detected by ultrasound. This typically applies to invasive cancers only. Radiation treatment may be recommended if cancer has spread to your lymph nodes.
6-Will my treatment include radiation?
Radiation is typically done in addition to surgery, and is also indicated when lymph nodes are involved.
7-Will genetic testing be ordered ?
The genetic testing for breast cancer is called BRCA testing. This testing is helpful in determining your risk for reoccurrence of breast cancer, or possibility of passing the gene mutation on to your children (female and male).
8-What stage is my breast cancer?
Breast cancer stages range from 0-4. You will find that there are several factors that determine the stage of your cancer. This includes the size of your tumor, whether your lymph nodes are involved and whether there is metastasis, or spread of the cancer.
Because you may be flooded with emotions after your breast cancer diagnosis it may be hard to know what to ask. Consequently, there may be other questions that you may want to ask your physician. You should make a list of all the questions to ask your physician as they come up. It is also a good idea to have another person with you to help remember the answers that your physician gives to each of these questions. My husband attended every appointment with me, and often times we would still walked away and had different memories of what the doctor said.
Finally, remember that “cancer” is a word not a sentence. While you may feel discouraged and overwhelmed at first, it is especially important for you to learn as much as possible about your cancer and treatment recommendations. Having adequate information will help to decreases your anxiety, therefor also decreasing the fear of the unknown.
Good luck on your journey.
- Published in breast cancer, Diagnosis